Bishop’s letter to (the) Giboff

My dear parents Christened my Jonathan, which means ‘God has given’ because they knew I was going to be special. They thought of calling my Thomas, after my grandmother’s maiden name, but that means ‘twin’ and they knew I was the one and only.

I heard something about someone came to them in a dream to tell them not to be afraid because conceiving me was fine as there would be some good news for them. They weren’t married at the time, and they didn’t want me to turn into a right bastard, so they made sure they got married before having me.

This guy came on to the maternity ward with his ewe and asked to see me. One of the male nurses said, “Dai, have you been stealing sheep from Celyn Farm again?”

There were these three weirdos who came to see me at East Glamorgan where I was born with gifts. They were wearing these silly party hat crowns. I later found out they were my step-brothers and sisters. They were worried. They told my parents that the Tafia were looking to kill me, because they knew my good news about the benefits of parental choice and the market and competition in education was not something they wanted to hear.

Then years went by, and in my thirties, I realised that I was not a naughty boy, I was a prophesy to warn the authorities that the children of this time, would be equally and individualistic and challenging of their authority. These children would not be willing to accept what their teacher said, when the great Jimbo Wales proclaimed otherwise. Nor would they accept the teacher was any better than them, and would expect to be seen as equals. What became clear was that my life, of a fight for the right to my voice, and respect for my own choices, and my desire to assert my identity due to my interactions with technology became the norm, and all those who saw my as a deviant full of self importance became nobodies of a forget past, where their desire for sameness and commonality and their resentment of anyone with individual achievement were as welcomed as Simon Cowell at a job interview, or the Queen at a Irish Republican Convention.

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