I telephoned Pat Brunker for some advice on an important matter. It was a Friday evening and she said that she could not speak because she was having supper. She said to call back tomorrow and I made a sigh which she understood as “You are just fobbing me off.” She said in a tone denying that; “I will speak to you tomorrow call back in the morning.”
I did call back in the morning – several times with no answer. I then phoned back in the afternoon and the conversation with the person the other end went something like this:
JB: Hi, is Pat there please (in a friendly tone)
Man Brunker: Who is speaking please (in an agitated tone)?
JB: It is Jonathan Bishop, she is expecting my call (again friendly)
Man Brunker: She is down in Tenby with her daughter, a family member passed away.
JB: Sorry to hear that. I was actually worried that… Man Brunker: Thank you (slams phone down)
To most people this would be a very rude man, but to someone who is autistic and has emotion recognition skills, it is 100 times worse.
Why do so many people (with empathism) appear to be compulsive liars? Why can’t they just be straight with people. They cause more offence by not telling the whole truth than they they save by masking it.
If Pat had a bereavement in the family, why did she not say last night instead of what felt to me after my recent call to be fobbing me off? I cannot help but feel Man Brunker was lying to me, based on his tone at least.
Can someone answer this question?
Was Man Bruker speaking in an offensive tone to me because he was acting as a go-between to prevent me from speaking to Pat;
Or was he speaking in an offensive tone because he felt I was bothering him at a difficult time?
IIf either are true then both are in the wrong for trying to fob me off rather than be honest and upfront. I was grossly offended by the call I made to Pat’s house today. This is the problem with the world – rather than people being upfront and honest about their emotions, feelings and intentions they lie about them, which makes other people dislike them more than they would if they told the truth. It is pretty much anti-social personality disorder than most people suffer, and it is a major communication impairment to try to hide ones feelings rather than communicate it in a way that doesn’t cause offence.
At the moment there is no known cure for empathism. Such problems can probably be solved with early intervention at a young age. Young people could be taught that it is fine to be different and not like people all the time. If everyone in society tries to understand those with empathism, then maybe they will be able to have a normal life, where they have the communication skills to be honest without offending people, as opposed to offending people by lying so they are not offended.