If Judge Seys Llewellyn were in my house

This article suggests what would happen if Deputy Judge Seys Llewellyn were to be asked to decide whether my bottle of water was sealed or not before I opened it.

Judge Seys Llewellyn
Judge Seys Llewellyn. Courtesy: Aberystwyth University.

I just opened a bottle of cold water from the fridge, but wasn’t sure whether it was one I refilled or not.

Reflecting on my experience with the judiciary, especially Deputy High Court Judge Seys Llewellyn, this is what a judge like him would have said:

“The nub of the case is that a man has opened a bottle, and the dispute is whether or not the bottle was already unsealed and refilled. I agree with everything that was said by Judge Doel in the Pontypridd County Court, but shall now try to make it look like I’m being impartial…

“It is quite clear that the only reason this man is relying on Article 1 of Protocol 1 of the European Convention on Human Rights is to give himself the opportunity to remain drinking his water. Despite the fact his friends tells me he drinks water often, this is clearly his way of justifying having access to ice-cold water, rather than running it into a glass using a tap…

“Article 1 of Protocol 1 was never intended to allow people to peacefully enjoy the possession of a plastic bottles in order to drink ice-cold water, and it is an abuse of process to claim it is…

“If one were to apply the case of Ducks Back v The Bridge, it can be seen that there are two permissible ways to possess water. The first is “off” and the second is “under.” As this man turned the cap of a bottle, it is quite clear that “off” applies here, as he took the cap off…

“However, it is not necessary to have a chilled plastic bottle in order to possess water in an “off” context. For instance, it is quite possible for a tap to be turned on and off, and for that tap to be used to fill a glass…

“So at the end of the day Judge Doel of Pontypridd County Court is right. And I am not giving this man any opportunity to appeal this, because Judge Doel’s word is gospel. I know this because I share a drink with him at the Cardiff Law Society meetings and he is a good guy.”

 

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