Brendan Cronin – The Bald Bouncer

I had the delight of coming across Brendan Cronin on Twitter. This chap thought he was being clever by abusing my mother, saying a team of “Clydesdale’s” would be needed to “bring her in.”


My Mother is a Llantrisant Girl. Llantrisant is a ‘city set upon a hill’, which gives me the chance for a story retelling.

Brendan Cronin, a security guard so tough, set his foot in Talbot Green. He and his merry men, and his gay Wife too, all dressed in tights, were at the foot of the walk up to Llantrisant. “We are the toughest security guards in the world,” he told his 150 men, all bald, heavy built and humbly educated. “We will seize this town, as no one is stronger than us.

Before they could make one foot forward they could hear a fine woman shout, “One Llantrisant girl is worth 10 bald security guards.” Thinking he was the cock of the walk, Brendhan Cronin sent up 10 of his toughest security guards, dressed in green all merry and gay. Within minutes they came tumbling down like Jack and Jill.

Brendhan Cronin then heard another call, “one Llantrisant Girl is worth 40 bald security guards.” Not one to admit he’s met his match, Brendan Cronin sent up 40 of his fine men, again all came tumbling down the hill. He heard another call, “One Llantrsant Girl is worth 100 bald security guards.

Not willing to be outdone, Brendhan Cronin then sent up his last 100 merry men, all dressed in green tights, but not a skirt between them. But yet again, they came tumbling down all beaten and bruised.

Brendhan Cronin turned to his Wife and said, “How could this happen?“, “We baldies are the toughest and meanest security guards on the planet,” “How could we be beaten by one Llantrisant girl?

Brendan Cronin’s wife offers to find out. She gayly walks to the top of the hill, navigating her way through the Old Town and to the top of the Billy Wynt. Now knowing the reason, she shouts down to Brendan Cronin, “There’s Two of Them Up Here!

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